


Nascent

by Criticalpancake



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: 3rd person Essek POV, A mix of angst fluff and hurt/comfort i guess, Canon compliant up to 116, Essek in Eiselcross, First Kiss, M/M, THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED, Widogast's Nascent Nine-Sided Tower
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:34:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27559159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Criticalpancake/pseuds/Criticalpancake
Summary: After a long month of no contact, an injured Essek finds the Mighty Nein in Eiselcross. Curiously, in a magical tower limited purely by Caleb's imagination, there is only one bed. (Well, seven, technically.)
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast, The Mighty Nein & Essek Thelyss
Comments: 20
Kudos: 311





	Nascent

**Author's Note:**

> Ok I took a little break/got stuck on my other shadowgast fic so here have this one-shot. Before I had a title I just put "Essek in Eiselcross" which is amusingly, eerily similar to "Emily in Paris"
> 
> Anyway all I want is hot boi in Eiselcross so I'll try and manifest that myself, thank you very much
> 
> Also I listened to "Carry You" by Ruelle on repeat while writing this in like a day

Essek awoke in the snow.

He felt the chill in his bones before he could even pry his eyes open. When he finally did, for a moment, he wondered if he was staring into a Beacon. The gray sky was darkening and flurries of snow scattered across his eyesight like the threads of possibility he ached to be engulfed within. A bright, warm globe hung on the horizon. He tried to reach out for it, but pain shot through his arm and he was forced to drop it.

A blue head popped into view. Jester wore a concerned look on her face as she pressed her hand to his arm. He was too tired to pull away, but the discomfort only lasted a few seconds. His body warmed briefly under her touch as if by a roaring fireplace and he felt a little bit of the ache in his ribs ebb away. With a groan, he found the energy to prop himself up on one arm. Some instinct urged him to survey the scene and assess any remaining threats, though he could hardly remember what threats he was looking for.

Colorful shapes of the Mighty Nein moved unhurried in the snow around him. Snowflakes landed on his eyelashes and he tried to blink them away before they froze.

After a moment, he realized there were voices.

“—so worried. That was really dangerous, you know!”

As the pain faded, it was replaced with a biting, stinging, and slowly numbing cold. He suddenly realized he couldn’t feel his ears and reached up to make sure they were still there. With a lurch, he recoiled his fingers from his icy jewelry.

“Essek?” A softer voice came from his other side. He turned to see a red-faced, bundled up Caleb.

“It’s very cold,” Essek managed in response. Caleb furrowed his brows and gave Essek a once over. Looking at all the hats, coats, and mittens adorning those around him, Essek realized he was awfully underdressed for the occasion with his usual cloak and finery. He’d left his elaborate mantle at home in his rush to leave, but hadn’t grabbed a heavy coat or scarf.

“Just wait a minute, okay? I’ll have you warm and toasty soon enough.” Caleb took off his coat and wrapped it around the now-sitting up Essek. He then moved a few feet away and began laying items on the ground and tracing runes that Essek only half-recognized.

Essek shivered into the warmth of the coat and watched Caleb in fascination. In an effort to bring feeling back to his nose, he buried his face into its fuzzy lapels. There were others moving around him, talking and healing and making plans, but he couldn’t bring himself to try and focus on them.

One very long, freezing minute passed and then Essek watched as a shimmering door appeared in front of Caleb. Somewhere, in the back of his head, he was proud and impressed at Caleb’s new magical capabilities. This was a high level spell.

Caleb reached a hand out and Essek took it without a second thought, grateful for the help standing up. The fabric of Caleb’s glove felt strange and foreign against his skin. 

“I’ve learned a thing or two since we last saw each other,” Caleb smirked and guided him through the doorway.

“Evidently,” Essek said faintly. Caleb’s hand lingered tentatively on the back of his arm as they entered a grand foyer and ascended a small, brass spiral staircase to a round platform in the center of the room. The massive stained glass panels made Essek blink in surprise as the rich, bright colors suddenly surrounding him contrasted immensely with the gray landscape he’d just left. Caleb guided him to the center while Essek stared at the images before him. He recognized the stylized glyphs and imagery of transmutation spells before him. And next to that a panel contrasted the others with its subtle grays and purples. He tilted his head in curiosity as his eyes landed on the dodecahedron shape painted on the glass.

“Think _up_. This should be familiar to you,” Caleb chuckled. Essek, still partly out of it and half distracted by the artistry before him, let his floating spell take over. He soon realized, however, that Caleb was also floating next to him. And, more than that, Essek wasn’t just hovering as he normally did, he was moving upward, toward a large opening in the ceiling.

“Ah, clever,” he grinned.

“Welcome to my tower.” Even though Caleb was visibly exhausted, battered, and bruised, his blue eyes glimmered as he looked down at Essek. But his hand had left Essek’s arm while they floated up. The absence brought a chill back to Essek and he shivered again.

They passed through a second chamber, mostly empty except for a series of closed doors. Essek’s eyes caught on the intricate aqueduct-like channels that ran along the walls and he chuckled in surprise when a semi-translucent amber cat ran down one.

Looking up, Essek raised an eyebrow appreciatively as he saw what appeared to be three levels of a richly furnished library. Here, Caleb stepped off to the side toward a pair of armchairs. Essek paused, hovering in the center, as he took in the softly lit, cozy salon. He floated over to Caleb.

“You’ve done well, Caleb,” Essek said, letting his feet land on the floor.

“Hah, well, I’ve been working on this awhile,” Caleb said, his face briefly reliving a haunting memory. “But sit, I’ll show you the rest once you’ve warmed up.” Essek let himself relax into one of the plush armchairs with a sigh. His head was finally clearing of the fuzz and the feeling slowly came back to his limbs and ears. His face no longer hurt from the cold.

A spectral cat appeared from behind his chair and walked up to Caleb, looking at him expectantly.

“Ollie, good, we’ll start with eight hot cocoas, one for everyone. And then vegetable stir fry with rice, mac and cheese, and soup.” The cat started off with a trot. “Oh, and pancakes,” Caleb added. It meowed and disappeared into the wall.

The rest of the Mighty Nein floated up through the floor, chattering about what they were going to eat and how nice it would be to take a bath. They quieted as their six pairs of colorful eyes landed on Essek.

Essek, who suddenly remembered he was still wrapped in Caleb’s coat, and flushed purple. Essek, who had betrayed them and not heard from them in a month. His blood ran cold.

“Hello, friends.” If he said it more hopeful than confident, more tentative than assured, then no one commented on it.

“Wow! We totally did not expect to see you here, Essek. And you came at just the right moment, too, totally saving our asses,” Jester said, nervously casting glances to Beau and Veth.

“Yeah, how did you know we were here?” Beau asked, arms crossed.

“I was—” He couldn’t make the word “worried” come out. “I received reports that you were in Balenpost with Vess DeRogna.” He glanced around. “Who has disappeared somewhere?” Had she left them to die, he wondered? He wouldn’t put it past her.

“Were you spying on us?” Veth accused, eyes narrowed.

“Come on now,” Fjord interjected. “He just saved our lives, and almost died in the process.” Essek’s ribs still ached with an injury he hardly remembered receiving.

Caduceus nodded. “I think we could all do with some rest and a good meal before discussing this further.” There were some shared looks between the group.

“There is hot cocoa in the kitchen,” Caleb said, in an attempt to break the tension. Six pairs of eyes lit up and the chattering resumed once more as they floated upwards. Caleb turned back to Essek and opened his mouth to say something, but stopped as his eyes landed on Essek’s face.

Embarrassed, Essek was halfway through tracing the sigil for Prestidigitation ( _he should have done that already_ ) when Caleb reached out to him, handkerchief in hand.

“You have a little…” Caleb trailed off, wiping at the blood still on his cheek. It was a soft, feather-light touch, but it instantly transported Essek back to the Ball-Eater. That had been an insistent touch, forcing Essek to look at Caleb, making his insides roil in shame. This was hesitant, uncertain. Essek’s stomach fluttered, but the moment was soon over.

“Thank you,” he said, letting his hand fall back into his lap. He could clean himself up properly later.

The cat from before reappeared with two steaming cups of something — _hot cocoa?_ — atop a platter it miraculously carried on its tail. Essek took one and couldn’t help but smile as the warmth spread from the mug to his hands. He stared at the creamy white dollop on top and judged the chances of it ending up on his face if he were to take a sip. He liked his chances.

The unfamiliar drink was rich and sweet, but it warmed him from the inside.

“Teleporting here was stupid,” Caleb said, after he’d taken a few sips of his own.

“I knew,” Essek paused. He looked at the barely dried blood on his clothes and supposed he’d misjudged the danger. “I _thought_ I would be capable enough to survive it, no matter the risks.”

“How did you find us?” Caleb asked, his tone less accusatory than Beau’s had been.

“I, ah, have taken to checking in every once in a while,” Essek said each word carefully, unwilling to lie to the redheaded wizard beside him, but nervous about revealing too much. He watched Caleb for a reaction of disgust or anger, but found only an inquisitive, if slightly flushed, look of appreciation.

“I’ve put you in so much danger,” Essek sighed and dropped his gaze to his lap, “on top of what you already get yourselves into.” He chuckled darkly, but the regret and worry burned through him again. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“So you scried on us?”

“Yes.”

He’d done it many times before, of course. Not long after they’d returned the Beacon to the Bright Queen, he’d scried on them in their tavern. And then several times in their house. He’d admitted as much, that night at dinner. They hadn’t seemed too phased by it before (he flushed at the memory of their line of questioning) but this time it felt more invasive. He’d been doing it for his own peace of mind, as opposed to the detached business from before.

“It saved us.” Caleb stated. 

“Hah, that’s what I was going for.” Essek vaguely remembered teleporting in, experiencing excruciating pain, quickly casting one of his highest level spells at whoever the Mighty Nein were fighting, and then it all went blank. He stared down at his drink for a long moment.

“Do you like it?”

“I’ve never had it before. It’s very sweet,” Essek said. “But… comforting.” Caleb murmured in agreement. Essek took the opportunity to examine the bookshelves around them. “This is quite an improvement upon your last study. It was quite sparse.”

“Well we are not all rich boys with pockets full of platinum,” Caleb teased.

“Please, it’s a _pocket dimension_ full of platinum,” Essek smirked. Their gazes lingered on each other for a charged moment, until Caleb faltered and looked away. Tension and pain was clear across his face. Essek felt himself crash back down to reality. It suddenly felt as though he’d lost all control of gravity and he was being pulled down, down, down. He stood up abruptly.

“Might I use a bath to clean up?” He asked as he shrugged out of Caleb’s coat and Prestidigitated his clothes, skin, and hair clean. He made sure to subtly style his hair so it wasn’t a wet, bloody mess.

“Ja, let me show you.”

Essek and Caleb floated through another two floors. The fifth chamber had two doors, which Essek only noted as strange once they passed through the sixth and into the seventh level. Both of which had three doors, evenly spaced around the nine sides.

On the seventh floor, Caleb gestured to a plain door and said, “The laboratory and study are through there.” He then turned to a door with veins of amber running through it and pushed it open.

They entered a sitting room with a fireplace. Above it was a stained glass “window” similar to those on the first floor, though it mainly depicted a mix of transmutation and dunamancy as opposed to all nine schools of magic. There was a small round table with a stack of five books and a couple of armchairs.

Caleb snapped at the fireplace and it erupted with a warm orange glow.

Essek followed him through a second door into what looked like a private study. There were a handful of books, paper, quills, and spell components in here, as well as a small cart with bottles of wine and glasses. Caleb hesitated before a third door.

“Ah, usually I put the baths in the bedrooms…” Caleb said. He turned to Essek, blushing in embarrassment. “I must have been so rushed I forgot to make you one of your own.”

Essek blinked. _Oh._ This was Caleb’s bedroom.

He stared at the door.

“You can have the first bath. I’ll stay out here and, uh, after that we can share the bed.” Caleb said awkwardly. He pushed the door open to reveal a large four-poster bed with deep blue bedding and a steaming brass bathtub. The ceiling and walls were adorned with stained glass images of starry night skies.

_Share the bed?_ Essek, bewildered, opened his mouth to say that he’d be fine trancing on one of the many armchairs within Caleb’s chambers or even out in the library. The words caught in his throat, though, as he looked at Caleb, flushed and nervously rubbing the back of his neck.

“I-if it is not too much trouble…?” he said instead. If his mind was fuzzy earlier, it was completely empty now. He could almost imagine alarm bells ringing like crazy. 

“No, ja, it is fine. It is—” Caleb stopped and stumbled over his words. “Fine. Ja.” He licked his lips and Essek’s eyes caught on the motion. He resisted mirroring the action. “There is the bath,” Caleb said hurriedly. “I will be in the room with the fireplace.”

Without looking at Essek, Caleb left the room and closed the door behind him. Essek stood in the quiet, dim room and stared at the stars around him. Just a few hours previously, he’d been looking out his own windows onto a similar night sky. Now, he was in _Caleb’s bedroom_. He completely missed how he’d gotten here.

Well, without any better ideas on what to do, Essek undressed and stepped into the steaming bath. He closed his eyes in pleasure at the warmth engulfing his body. It was a brief moment of bliss, though, because his mind soon wandered to the man sitting two doors away. 

Caleb hadn’t yet brought up the baggage between them, but Essek felt the weight of it in between their every exchange. It brought up feelings that caught, thick and heavy, in Essek’s throat.

The Mighty Nein hadn’t talked to him since the last day of the peace talks. They’d gone to Rexxentrum to work for the Assembly. The thought nagged at him relentlessly. _They didn’t want him here._ He knew it as soon as he’d seen their faces in the library. Caleb was just being kind to him because Essek had put himself in danger to save them.

Essek ducked his head below the water and squeezed his eyes shut.

He waited until the pressure on his lungs was too much to take and popped back up, inhaling sharply. Lights danced behind his eyelids. With a huff, he leaned back and stared at the painted stars above him. They were bright white specks in swirls of dark blues and purples. Focusing on the paintings, he could almost fool himself into feeling like he was gazing into a Beacon. He mentally traced each of the constellations, repeating their names in his head to keep the feelings of regret and guilt and sorrow at bay.

His eyes stung and before he could stop it, he was crying.

_Light, he was pathetic._

He was Essek Thelyss of Den Thelyss, Shadowhand to the Bright Queen, son of the Umavi, dunamantic prodigy, and mastermind behind the nearly impossible heist of two priceless religious artifacts, and yet he was crying over a ragtag group of mercenaries. And it wasn’t the first time.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Then again, and again. Finally, begrudgingly, he rose from the bath and with a quick trace of his fingers, magicked the water off of his body.

He dressed and styled himself to look perfectly presentable. But as he stared in the mirror, the one thing he couldn’t get rid of was the slight redness of his eyes. Accepting defeat, Essek pushed the door open and walked through the study to find Caleb in front of the fireplace.

Caleb’s eyes flicked up from the pages of a book to look at Essek. His mouth twitched downward slightly in what looked like concern, but Essek wondered if it was dismay instead.

“I changed out the water,” Essek said, sitting delicately in one of the chairs. 

“Thank you.” Caleb nodded, bookmarked his spot, and made toward the door.

Essek settled in for several more long minutes of silence. Of course, he was used to being alone, but somehow it was worse in this tower full of people he cared for deeply. 

He glanced at the books next to him and raised an eyebrow at _The Courting of the Crick_. Picking it up, he found himself flipping through the pages for any sort of distraction. He grimaced at the stereotypes and slurs and found himself bored with the dry story, but, for a moment, he didn’t think about that night in the Ball-Eater or the looks on the Mighty Nein’s faces.

Just as the writing was getting _steamy_ , Caleb walked in, hair wet and skin flushed. Essek snapped the book shut and turned a deep shade of purple. Caleb blinked, noticed the book title, and turned an even brighter shade of red.

“I’m fine staying the night in here,” Essek blurted out. His eyes still stung from crying and he felt a heaviness in his head as he forced himself to meet Caleb’s eyes.

“No, no,” Caleb said in a rush. “It will not be comfortable spending several hours in one of these chairs.” He waved to the bedroom behind him. “I do not mind, Essek.”

Essek’s breath caught in his throat at the earnestness in Caleb’s voice. He wet his lips and nodded.

“But let’s go eat dinner first, ja?” Essek had forgotten about dinner. He’d forgotten to be hungry. He nodded mutely, resigning himself to having to face the others once more before drifting into a hopefully dreamless slumber.

The dining room turned out to be mostly empty except for a few amber cats running around. There were half-eaten dishes scattered across the table. Essek took a seat, put some vegetables and rice on his plate, and picked at it. He couldn’t bring himself to stomach anything.

As he watched Caleb eat only a small bowl of soup, Essek realized with a lurch that they’d all been down here while he’d been in the bath. Caleb must have just sat down with his book when Essek had come in. They had most certainly taken advantage of the moment to discuss his arrival, of that Essek was sure. What had they said? Would they make him leave tomorrow? Would teleporting home be as difficult and risky? Of that, he wasn’t sure.

He figured he may at least try and get a bit more information before then.

“If I might ask, who were you fighting?” Who had he killed without a second thought? He’d vaguely overheard the Mighty Nein mention a couple of them had disappeared from the battle.

“...An old friend of ours and his accomplices.”

Essek raised an eyebrow. “I shouldn’t be surprised you all have so many dubious friends.” The Mighty Nein had upended his entire life, but he was just another shady, strange friend of theirs on a long list of shady, strange friends. If he could still be called a friend, that is.

“He wasn’t always that way,” Caleb said, quietly.

That made Essek pause. The Mighty Nein brought a reckless warmth and tenacity for good everywhere they went. He was hard-pressed to imagine them turning this old friend of theirs into a cold-hearted enemy. But he saw the guarded discomfort on Caleb’s face and dropped the subject.

Essek felt he’d already pushed his luck and elected to stay quiet until they went back up to Caleb’s rooms. Once they were back in the bedroom, they both froze at the sight of the bed. Without a glance to Essek, Caleb shucked off some of his outer layers and slipped under the covers.

Heart racing, Essek did the same.

The bedding was soft and comfortable. It enveloped him in a warm embrace as the room’s dancing lights dimmed to nothing. Though there was at least a foot and a half between them, Essek was acutely aware of Caleb’s body heat. It would be so simple to reach out his hand and brush it against Caleb’s. 

They lay on their backs in silence for several long minutes. Essek’s eyes turned once more to the starry painting on the ceiling. As colors subtly swirled around the stars, he felt a wave of vertigo wash over him. His eyes searched in vain for the Fragment of Possibility as he wondered, not for the first time, if it would be possible to bend reality into a timeline where he didn’t feel this hollowness in his chest. Essek forced his mind to quiet and trace the constellations even as he strained his ears, listening for any change in Caleb’s breathing.

“I felt like a fool, Essek.” His quiet, cracked voice broke through the darkness.

Essek closed his eyes as the tears threatened to come back. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“I had just started to trust you,” Caleb rolled onto his side, facing Essek.

“I know,” Essek murmured, mirroring him. Though it was nearly completely dark in the room, but for the dimly glimmering stars, Essek could see the pain in Caleb’s blue eyes quite clearly.

But Caleb reached out and brushed his fingers against Essek’s cheek, wiping away a tear that Essek hadn’t realized was there. His fingers lingered and Essek’s senses narrowed to that one feather-light touch.

“I thought— I _wanted_ ,” Caleb said. He stopped, unsure. “I don’t believe I’m the only one who feels this, this _thing_ between us.” He started drawing his hand back, but Essek reached up and caught it in his own.

In the almost oppressively quiet darkness, with the swirling painted stars above them, Essek felt the rest of the world melt away as this moment became infinite. In his mind’s eye, he saw all the different possibilities of what could happen next.

He let out a breath he’d been holding. “I didn’t think you felt the same.”

“You’re amazing,” Caleb said, breathless and matter of fact, like he had after they’d completed the transmogrification spell. Like he’d momentarily forgotten what Essek had done.

Essek held Caleb’s hand to his cheek and he felt a thumb delicately run across his skin.

“I meant what I said, Essek. We can do good, together.” The intensity of Caleb’s gaze was like staring into the sun.

“Show me,” Essek said, echoing his own words from that first day he’d taught Caleb dunamancy. He let a little bit of a challenge bleed into his voice, fueled by his own bubbling frustration at himself, at the Nein, at the Assembly, at the Dynasty.

Caleb studied his face before leaning in closer, eyes steady with a sudden confidence. Their noses brushed against each other and Essek’s breath hitched just as his stomach flipped from nervousness. Caleb’s hand moved from his cheek to tangle in the short hair at the nape of his neck. As he was pulled into the kiss, Essek found himself helpless to a kind of gravity that he’d never experienced before.

It was tentative at first, as they’d been all night. The woodsy scent of fire filled Essek’s senses as he moved his hand to Caleb’s waist, touching the sliver of exposed skin. He was enamored with the softness of Caleb’s lips and as they parted under his, he let out a soft moan. For the first time, Essek wasn’t thinking of all the different possibilities that could branch out from this moment. He felt rooted to the spot as Caleb’s fingers curled in his hair and his skin burned at the contact.

For the first time, Essek truly felt like he belonged somewhere.

They parted to catch their breaths. Essek’s eyes fluttered open to catch a glimpse of Caleb. His pupils were wide and dark, gazing with an unmistakable _wanting_.

“You did it on purpose,” Essek whispered.

“Did what?” Caleb asked, faltering.

Essek lifted his hand and gestured around them. “You can create this tower however you want, with as many rooms, as many _beds_ as you want. And you are not prone to forgetting things, Caleb.” He smirked, letting his fangs peek out.

Caleb shrugged and Essek felt him smile as he was pulled in for another kiss. But the smiling, soft press of lips together soon turned to something more needy. Essek propped himself on an elbow and cupped Caleb’s face in his hand, giving in to the urgency.

“You—” Caleb tried to get out, having to pull back a fraction. “You almost died, Essek. I— I couldn’t let you out of my sight after _that_.”

Essek swallowed as he watched Caleb’s eyes darken with worry.

“It was stupid,” Caleb said as he brushed Essek’s hair out of his face.

“I took a risk. It was worth it.” Essek leaned down and pressed a kiss to Caleb’s forehead. A different night flashed through his mind and his breath caught as he hesitated, unsure of what would happen next.

“Thank you,” Caleb said. Essek pulled back to find Caleb looking up at him. “For coming.”

“Of course.”

“I missed you,” Caleb ducked his head slightly. Essek’s ears twitched in surprise. He’d thought over and over for the last couple of months that Caleb had simply been manipulating him with every friendly touch, every lingering look, but it was real. Somehow it wasn’t the kissing that got this through his head, but the _I missed you_.

Now, Essek knew exactly which threads of possibility to pluck. He cupped Caleb’s face and kissed him.

**Author's Note:**

> Lol so I know the Mighty Nein would never leave Caleb and Essek alone like that but dammit they need some alone time
> 
> Thanks for reading!! <3


End file.
